Imagine that the person who promised to love, honor and cherish you has just hit you, or done something that puts you in fear. Imagine that someone you thought you knew, or was getting to know has just raped you. It is shattering.

That’s what the staff of The Lighthouse, a Baldwin County organization that provides services to those who are the victims of sexual assault or domestic violence does. Somehow, the pieces have to be picked up.

“We opened in 1994,” said Jerry Sommer, The Lighthouse’s executive director. “When we opened we provided direct services to those experiencing domestic violence, and in 1998, we began providing rape and sexual assault services.”

The private, nonprofit organization provides residential services at an undisclosed location for victims of domestic violence, but Sommer says that her organization has seen growth in nonresidential programs, and now provides such services as counseling, court advocacy, prevention education and children’s programs.

The center will have a major fundraiser, its 10th annual “Sunset Supper,” Monday, May 12 at 6 p.m. at the Fairhope Civic Center. A dinner and silent auction is on tap and tickets are $45 per person. For more information, call 947-6197.

“We have about 400 people there, and it’s a lot of fun,” said Christine Armstrong, the group’s development and communications director.

“We talk with them (the victims) and let them know what services are available to them,” Sommer said. “With court advocacy, we go into district and municipal court with them. A lot of victims have questions about the court process, especially if they’ve never been there before.”

One of the things victims of domestic abuse might not be prepared for is the public nature of courtrooms.

“You have an audience,” Sommer said, “and you have to talk about some very private things. The person who abused you is standing right there.”

Sommer added that while the city attorney or assistant district attorney does their best to be sensitive to victims’ needs, they have so many cases they might not realize how intimidating the process is to someone new to the system. That’s where a victim’s advocate can help.

One of the ways The Lighthouse helps victims of sexual assault is by collecting clothing for victims to wear home from the hospital. Because everything the victim is wearing is retained for evidence, there is always a need for clothing in a variety of sizes.

“The most common scenario,” said Armstrong, “is that more than 70 percent of assaults is by someone the victim knows. About eight percent is by strangers. There’s a lot of date rape.”

If someone believes they are the victim of a sexual assault, it’s important to get help right away. The Lighthouse can be reached by calling 947-6008.

“It is important to go to the police and seek medical treatment,” Sommer said.

“It’s also important the victim get counseling, which we can arrange for here,” said Armstrong.

Sommer started working in the domestic violence field in 1979. While The Lighthouse’s shelter is in an undisclosed location, the administrative offices are in Robertsdale. In addition to onsite services, The Lighthouse provides programs for elementary students, a dating violence/date rape program, and a speaker’s bureau.

Becoming an advocate for sexual abuse victims wasn’t on Sommer's radar at first.

“I was going through a divorce, and needed a job, so here I am,” Sommer said. She started at the Penelope shelter in Mobile, and came to Lighthouse when it opened.

“A district court judge realized that this area was growing after Hurricane Frederick, and there were serious domestic violence issues,” said Sommer. ”This area has become a bedroom community for Mobile. The population went from 87,000 to 140,000 in five or six years. She asked if something could be developed here.”

“We have more than 1,900 contacts each year,” said Armstrong. “Of these less than 10 percent need shelter, the rest need other services like counseling and court advocacy.”

Armstrong learned about abusive relationships firsthand.

“I really didn't understand at first,” said Armstrong of a controlling boyfriend. “I really don’t like to talk about it.”

Fortunately, Armstrong was able to break away and became free to pursue healthier relationships.

“I do understand what it’s like to be beaten down and how hard it is to break away,” said Armstrong.

That gives Armstrong, who has been working for Beacon for about three years, some experience most of the other workers do not have. She says her situation is more common than some would think.

“If you have dated around, you’ve run in to them,” said Armstrong. “It’s so easy to get into this. My family is nice, so I thought all people are nice. It’s a shocking lesson to learn that not everybody is good.”

“For the most part, the staff has not been battered, but they learn quickly,” said Sommer.

Getting the word out to young people is a priority for both women. Making sure abuse does not happen is important to everyone at Lighthouse, they say.

“When we go to the school districts, we try to educate. It is sometime difficult to recognize some behavior as abuse,” Armstrong said, adding that a boyfriend/girlfriend who is overly controlling is a red flag for teens and parents alike.

“A lot of people think such a relationship is a regular, normal relationship,” said Sommer. “They don’t realize what is going on is abusive or controlling.”

For more information about The LIghthouse, go to their Web site, www.abeacon.org.