Heartfelt belated Valentines

That time of year was here again last week when flower shops, along with candy and greeting card counters experienced their busiest time of year. (So, guys, forget about getting a vacuum cleaner or analog to digital converter box as tokens of affection for your “special someone.”)

As usual the leading non-chocolate Valentine’s Day candy will probably be NECCO (New England Confectionery Co.). They have been making Sweethearts Conversation Hearts since the Civil War and continue to manufacture eight billion hearts each year. Each year they introduce 10 new sayings all printed in upper case. Here are some suggested candy heart imprints some folks might have considered presenting to their designated recipient:

• Obama to McCain: PLEASE, REQUEST A RECOUNT

• McCain to Obama: YOU ASKED FOR IT!

• Obama to Bill Clinton: GOT STIMULUS?

• Bill Clinton to Obama: NO STIMULUS NEEDED!

• Hillary to Bill: I’M NO. 4 IN LINE

• Bill to Hillary: WHO SQUEALED ON ME?

• AARP to Stump (10-year-old Westminster “Best in Show” winner”): WE DID IT! WE DID IT!

• Stump to AARP: WHERE’S MY GERIATRIC KIBBLES?

• A-Rod to Barry Bonds: No. 1 POSITIVE MVP

• Barry Bonds to A-Rod: WAS THERE — DONE THAT

• Brad Pitt to Angelina: LET’S KID AROUND

• Angelina to Brad: SIX IS ENOUGH

• Gov. Crist to Gov. Riley: A JUICY WIN

• Gov. Riley to Gov. Crist: JUST RIBBING

(The two governors made a wager on the SEC Championship. If Alabama won, Crist was to send a box of Florida oranges. If the Gators won, Riley to ship a rack of ribs. Score: Gators clinched win 31-20).

• Merrill Lynch to Treasury: BONUSES ARE DESERVED

• Treasury to Merrill Lynch: SURE, HOW MUCH?

• Bill O’Reilly to Rush Limbaugh: I’M RIGHT

• Rush Limbaugh to Bill O’Reilly: I’M MORE RIGHTER

• Keith Olbermann to Bill and Rush: WORSTEST PERSONS IN THE WORLD!

• Warren Buffett to Bill Gates: BUY LOW SELL HIGH

• Bill Gates to Warren Buffett: BOUGHT LOWER SOLD HIGHER

• Bernie Madoff to Bill and Warren: BOUGHT SCHMORT —THAT’S FOR FONZIE, AS FOR ME I’LL GO WITH PONZI

•?Ford to Hyundai: NOTHING COMPARES TO FORD’S GREAT FUSION

•?Hyundai to Ford: AH, SO — HAVE YOU NOT SEEN THE HYUNDAI TUCSON?

•?Conan O’Brien to Jay Leno: THANKS FOR THE “TONIGHT” GIG

• Jay Leno to Conan O’Brien: IT’S NOT MY FAULT — BLAME MY ILLITERATE AGENT

•?McDonald’s to Burger King: WE WANT A McSTIMULUS TOO

• Burger King to McDonald’s: NO, YOU CAN’T HAVE IT YOUR WAY

From sublime castle to most humble barn, the following were garnered from hither and yon. There’s no need to worry and no need to fret, what follows was gleaned from the Internet.

The Duke of Orleans, during the Battle of Agincourt sent his wife a rhyming love letter from his prison cell in the Tower of London. Many believe that sending poems on this day originated with him. The most universal poems are the ones starting ‘Roses are Red’ because the eu sound of blue rhymes with you.

Here are few more notable ones:

“Roses are red, Violets are blue, If you can do better I’m challenging you.”

… I’m trying to remember where I got this tattoo.

… You know I’m allergic. I’m going to sue.

… Your cheeks are sticky With tiramasu.

… Of course I love you, and someone else too.

… I’ve learned that square roots Are exponents times two.

… I’m schizophrenic, And so am I.

Then there is the one from a love unrequited:

“Roses are red, violets are blue, You actually thought I would cry over you?

I told you I loved you, you thought it was true,

Well guess what player? I played you too!”

And this scientific entity:

“Roses reflect light at 700 nanometers

Violets reflect light at 480 nanometers

The phenylpropanoid pathway makes the responsible pigments, usually to attract insect pollinators.”

Now some striking two line cute non-sequiturs about love:

“I thought that I could love no other, that is, until I met your brother!”

What inspired this amorous rhyme?

“Those words I spoke were true and grand

When said “I love U2, I meant the BAND.”

“To tell you what you mean to me

Would get me bleeped on live TV.”

“Beauty is on the inside, but some may doubt,

If it’s true, I’d much prefer you inside out.”

“You are my sun, my moon, my star

I long to see you … from afar.”

A final thought. Without love, what are we worth? Eighty-nine cents!

“Eighty-nine cents worth of chemicals walking around lonely.”

— Hawkeye, M.A.S.H.

Herb Kandel is an entrepreneur and a former human resources executive who lives in Fairhope. He can be reached at hekan@mail.com.