This has been a dilemma I knew I would have this year. 

I didn’t have many friends who are girls this summer. I was texting guys and became really good friends with guys, but when I got back to school I found out these guys just want to hang out with their guy friends.

I don't have many friends who are girls.

How do I get back on a schedule where I can have more friends that are girls (to hang out with) and keep my guy friends?

—Friendless 

SR: It is important that you are patient when making and keeping friends. Sometimes we have to prove our loyalty to others. Unfortunately, we can not control others’ decisions, but we can attempt to resolve any unnecessary conflicts.

It seems that many girls enjoy talking to guys because guys usually do not spend quality time gossiping over petty issues. They would rather play some form of ball or video game.

Keep in mind that you cannot always please everyone and developing strong friendships takes time and a commitment to listening and working through strongholds.

I’ve noticed that many boys may like ‘hanging out’ with girls, or a particular girl, but they seem to behave differently when their buddies are around. I tend to believe this is due to the fact that they do not want their guy friends to pick on them or assume that they have a crush on the girl.

Adults sometimes behave as preschoolers when they are in a social setting; the men gravitate toward other men and the girls huddle up to talk ‘girl talk.’

It might be wise to continue speaking to your guy buddies, but choose the right time to ‘hang out’ with them. Girls can sometimes feel threatened if they think their friends are not true to them. Therefore, it is wise to make it a point to pay close attention to both the girls and the guys that you truly believe you can form and keep a close tie with. 

Most importantly, be honest with everyone and be YOURSELF.

JPC: It is always tough when you make friends over the summer and then things change when you return to a school environment.

Still, there is a way you can remain friends with these guys and make new friends. It might be hard to reconnect with your guy friends from the summer during the school day when they seem more interested in just hanging out with the guys, but try to get together with them outside of school. They probably still want to hang out with you, but only get to see their guy friends during they day, so they want to spend time with them.

Try to branch out and make friends with girls also, so you will have a group to hang out with during the school day.  You might want to start hanging out more with the few girlfriends that you have now, so that you can start being included in some of the things they do and become friends with more girls. Also, it might be fun to start hanging out with groups of guys and girls together, so you will be able to spend time with both your old and new friends at the same time. 

Having a group of friends that includes both guys and girls—and ‘new’ and ‘old’ friends—will lead to a more balanced and fun social life.

One of my friends from school talked to me confidentially.

She said she knows she used to be really annoying, but she’s changed and is acting more normal around other kids. The problem is kids at school still treat her like she’s that annoying person she used to be. 

How can she get them to see her as she is now—not so annoying—and more of a regular girl? 

What should I tell her to do?

—Friend of the not-so-annoying-now girl

SR: Everyone at some point has trouble getting along with others. However, it is always beneficial to have a ‘good’ friend who can remind us of times when we are acting in a way not pleasing to others. Behaving in an annoying manner can simply be a learned bad habit.

Time is required for a person to prove to others that he or she is a changed person—especially if a behavior has been modified. For example, people who go on a diet are not expected to lose weight in one day. It takes time for a person’s body to react to a change in eating habits and exercise. Likewise, it takes time for others to see that a person is sincerely attempting to behave better or in a different manner.

Being a good friend might mean you will have to take a stand to remind your friend when the annoying behavior exists and provide helpful suggestions on how to initiate changes that will produce positive results. If your friend truly wishes to be accepted and no longer wear the label of being referred to as ‘annoying,’ she must trust your judgment and words of encouragement.

Sometimes it takes people a while to process everything that has been suggested, but eventually they  begin to grasp the ‘big picture’ and appreciate your comments and friendship in the end.

JPC: Changing one’s reputation is never easy—especially when that reputation is negative.

Tell your friend that it may take time for people to realize she has changed, and for them to change the way they act toward her. Make sure you let her know that you know it is hard, but she should not be discouraged if people still treat her this way right now.

If she continues to try to make friends, eventually people should begin to see her for who she is now, and not the girl they always thought her to be. No matter what, make sure she knows that you know she has changed, and you continue to be her friend. You may even want to try to include her when you hang out with your other friends. If they moan and groan at the thought of this, let them know that she is not like that anymore and that they should see for themselves. 

By including her when you do things with your friends, you can help other people get to know her for the person she is now.