Okay, the good news first.

The State of Alabama is apparently in the Top 10 in “bedmanship” in the 50 states and the District of Columbia.

Yes, you heard me correctly. I don’t make this stuff up! In a state-by-state study reported by The Daily Dot, somebody apparently crunched some numbers and fed those into a “spreadsheets” app and produced a “state-by-state breakdown of users’ ‘sexual endurance’ times.” When the deed was done Alabama ranked No. 10 with a sexual endurance time of 3 minutes 38 seconds. Just so you’ll know, New Mexico was No. 1 at 7 minutes 1 second.

Two points surprised me concerning the endurance times in general. For one, they seemed Speedy Gonzales fast. Alaska finished dead last with a time of 1 minute 21 seconds. All I can say is, it must get really, really cold up there!

I was also surprised to find Washington, D.C., well back in the “endurance” pack. I just figured Washington powerbrokers would be, you know, POWER-ful, but apparently the old adage about “politics making strange bedfellows” also means that everybody’s “negotiating” in a rush in the nation’s capital. Also, if you consider how often a bedroom incident brings an abrupt end to a public or elected official’s dedicated public service, well, I just figured the District of Columbia would have made a better showing in the bedroom “games.”

Now for the bad news.

Alabama is No. 5 in “5 of the worst states to grow up poor,” an article that appeared in AlterNet, an online news magazine. The states that made the list have the worst rates of child poverty. Oddly enough, AlterNet says these states routinely make policy decisions that hurt the poor.

So here we are, caught in a long running Alabama cycle. According to one list, our state “expertise,” for lack of a better term, involves the very activity that produces children, who then have a difficult time rising above the poverty level in our state. On one hand, in football terms, we’re a Top 10 team, and with a little more “effort” (endurance) we could possibly be National Champions. (We want New Mexico!) Yet, on the other hand, we also excel in not taking care of children we produce.

Remember the ancient fable involving an argument between the stomach and feet? The feet grumble and gripe because the stomach gets all the food, so the feet decide not to help supply the stomach with nourishment. What the feet eventually learn, however, is that they’re only weakening themselves. In Alabama, it’s a lesson we just don’t get.

Bob Morgan is a retired, award-winning journalist and an author.