Choosing beween prom and diploma

By Gene Owens
Posted 5/22/09

“It was worth it,” Tyler Frost told “CBS News” after his church-sponsored private school suspended him for taking his girlfriend to her public school’s senior prom.

Which makes me wonder why Tyler and his stepfather are talking about …

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Choosing beween prom and diploma

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“It was worth it,” Tyler Frost told “CBS News” after his church-sponsored private school suspended him for taking his girlfriend to her public school’s senior prom.

Which makes me wonder why Tyler and his stepfather are talking about suing Heritage Christian High School of Findlay, Ohio, for enforcing its policies after warning him of the consequences of violating them.

Students who enroll at Christian Heritage are required to sign a contract that forbids them to dance, hold hands or listen to rock music. You may regard that contract as a stone-age document. But nobody forced Tyler to sign it. Nevertheless, Tyler took his girlfriend to her high school senior prom, even after his own school warned that it could jeopardize his graduation.

He thus became the hero of those who believe a young man has a right to do what he wants to do on his own free time. I’m inclined to agree. If Tyler Frost wanted to take his girl to the prom, dance with her, hold hands with her, and maybe even kiss her good night, that’s his business and the business of his parents, who have the right to set rules for a 17-year-old.

But if Heritage Christian High School of Findlay, Ohio, wants to require its students to observe its moral standards on or off school grounds, that’s its right too. If it were a state-run public school, it would have an obligation to respect Tyler’s right to make moral choices off the school grounds. But Heritage Christian is a creature of its parent religious organization, a Baptist church, which has a First Amendment right to the free exercise of religion. Tyler has that right too. If he and his parents didn’t like the organization’s religious views, they were free to enroll him in a church school with values more in line with their own. Or they could have saved a few bucks and sent him to public school.

Tyler was looking forward to graduating from Heritage Christian and to attending his girlfriend’s prom, since Heritage obviously was not holding a prom. He went to his principal for a permission slip to attend the prom. The principal warned him that attending the prom could result in his suspension and the withholding of his diploma.

Tyler thus had a choice to make: attend the prom and accept the consequences, or inform his girlfriend that his diploma meant more to him than a night of fun.

For a 17-year-old, it was a tough choice. He could have followed the example of Edward VIII of England, who gave up his throne for the woman he loved and lived out his life as the Duke of Windsor. I don’t recall his having sued the Church of England or the British Parliament for forcing the choice between his crown and the American divorcee he wanted to marry. I think the duke and duchess figured it was worth it.

Tyler’s parents obviously stood behind him in his choice, which makes you wonder why they chose to send him to a church school with rules of conduct that go far beyond their own beliefs.

I had a friend and colleague who grew up in the mountains of Southwest Virginia, where he savored the company of young women. For some reason, he found himself enrolled in Bob Jones University in Greenville, S.C., which held fast to the same social restrictions Heritage Christian High School holds to. When my friend learned that he couldn’t hold hands with the opposite sex and remain a student at Bob Jones, he did the honorable thing: He withdrew from Bob Jones. The university remained free to enforce its strict standards, and he remained free to pursue romance by his own rules.

The policies of Heritage Christian High School may seem to be a century behind the 21st century’s anything-goes moral climate. Several other schools with similar names have scurried to post on their Web sites the disclaimer that they are not the school that denied Tyler his freedom of association. Their right to follow more permissive policies is just as valid as the Findlay school’s right to follow stricter policies.

The United States is a nation of religious diversity, with varying degrees of emphasis on moral standards. Some religious organizations try to keep a firm check on the social adventures of their young people. They regard the prom as an occasion laden with moral danger. Some take a more relaxed view of interaction between the sexes, acknowledging that even if it should lead to premarital sex, it wouldn’t catapult them into the inferno.

Tyler and his parents had a choice, and they should have considered the consequences of that choice before enrolling in a school that set strict rules of conduct.

Principal Tim England may have sounded hopelessly old-fashioned when he wrote, on behalf of the school, “When the school committee … set up the policy on dancing, I am confident they had the principle of fleeing lustful situations in mind.” Among the “lustful situations” he mentioned were those in which young ladies might be dancing in low-cut dresses.

“I still feel I’m a Christian,” Tyler said after his act of defiance vaulted him into the public eye. “I believe in the morals they’ve taught me.”

If he believes in the morals but not in the rules, let me recommend the course my Virginia friend took. There are lots of schools that teach morals without requiring that you follow them.

Readers may write Gene Owens at 315 Lakeforest Circle, Anderson SC 29625, or e-mail him at WadesDixieco@aol.com)