Dear Sonya and Jackie:

I transferred from my old school because the cliques there were mean. They wouldn’t talk to me and would leave me out of activities. They would ignore me and treat me like I was invisible. I have found new friends at my new school, but it still hurts when I think about my old school.  Why were the kids so mean to me? Why does it still hurt when I think about it? 

—Still Hurting

SR: Transferring to a new school is difficult enough, but dealing with cliques can be tormenting. Cliques are typically known as a small group of closely-knit friends who share common interests. The problem with cliques is that they purposely leave other people out of their group. Some cliques behave this way in order to feel more powerful and secure. They often stick together because they feel there is safety in numbers. Unfortunately, some people will do the strangest things in order to “fit in.” It is important to remember that everyone feels left out by friends at some point or another in life.

Remember that many times people can be mistreated simply because they look or dress differently; do not act the same as other members of the group; or are new at a school or work place. Sometimes parents, other family members or teachers can assist in giving advice on how to deal with those who are mean in cliques. If you find yourself feeling left out of one group, find another set of friends. It is also imperative that you speak up if your friends are ugly to others. To be truly popular and well-liked, you must be friendly to everyone. Don’t forget to stay in contact with your “friends” from your old school; they miss you!

JPC: I’m sorry to learn that you had such a bad experience at your old school. It sounds like the kids there had major insecurity issues; hopefully you didn’t take it all too personally.

The good thing is that you have found a much more comfortable environment at your new school. You were smart to change schools, so that you didn’t have to keep living through such a hurtful situation. I’m sure that you’re an awesome kid and it would be a shame for you to doubt yourself because of how other kids treated you. 

Be aware that it may take some time to get over the sadness you still feel about the way you were treated at your previous school.  But right now, try to not dwell on the past. Focus on your new friends and the good things going on in your life right now.

In time, you will find that the mean kids at your old school won’t matter so much, and they will become a distant memory.