One day last week a rainstorm cleared the air and the temperature at dinnertime was 77 degrees, the humidity negligible. That happens here in July and August about once every decade. My wife Pam and I drove to an outdoor café were we enjoyed dinner overlooking the water, attended by cool breezes.

The next day, both the temperature and the humidity had returned to their seasonal norms, which is to say, they were awful.

Awful, that is, if you haven’t learned to deal with Alabama summers, which I have but Pam, a Michigander, has not. If any of our beach-loving summer visitors from the far north read this column, here are my suggestions for coping with south Alabama’s heat and humidity:

- Walk slowly. There’s a good reason people think Southerners are slow. It’s because we are slow, and there’s a good reason for that, too. Northerners hurry from place to place because it keeps the blood flowing, which makes them feel warmer. Feeling warmer is the last thing Alabamians want in July, so we amble; we mosey. It takes us a bit longer to get where we’re going, but we’re not exhausted and overheated when we get there. Pam insists on dashing through the heat from car to store to church to home, then wonders why she’s uncomfortable.

-  Sleep under a ceiling fan. Until moving here in 1990, I’d never slept beneath a ceiling fan. My first night with one, I thought it was the nearest thing to heaven this side of the real thing.

- Drink lots of water. That’s so you’ll sweat more. Some people try not to sweat. They smear or spray themselves with something from the drugstore to keep their bodies dry, apparently thinking that will prevent them from smelling bad. But sweat soon evaporates and that cools you off. And it doesn’t smell bad unless you go for days without a shower.

- Take lots of showers. Not only will a shower eliminate sweaty odors hovering about you, but a shower will rejuvenate you and make you feel great, almost as if you were lying beneath a ceiling fan. Make sure it’s a cool shower.

- Eat light meals. Most Americans need less food than we consume. We eat stuff that isn’t good for us and we eat too much of it. Of course fried seafood platters, cheese grits, and cornbread lathered with butter are among God’s favorite foods, but give them a rest in the summer. Carrying extra weight makes coping with the heat more difficult.

- Think positive thoughts. I often sit on my porch and tell myself what a pleasant place it is. I’ve said it often enough that I’ve come to believe it, even in July. Early in the morning I say my prayers, sip my coffee, and read my paper on the porch (when there is a paper), with the ceiling fan rotating above me. Pam, on the other hand, opens the door, sticks her nose out, and then closes the door and says, “I don’t know how you can stand it out there.”

- Stay inside. This isn’t my favorite strategy for coping with the heat, but it’s Pam’s favorite. She leaves the house only when she must (or when going out for lunch) and keeps the air conditioner humming all the time. If it were up to me (it isn’t), I’d open the windows. With ceiling fans, I see no reason to replace the air God gives us with cold, processed, artificial air. If Pam and I get divorced after 47 years, it may be over that.

I enjoy doing things outside---taking walks, attending ballgames, and (see above) sitting on the porch. Pam, on the other hand, watches a lot of television, and that’s done inside. She especially likes those English mysteries on PBS, but English plots are too complex for me and I can hardly understand what the actors are saying. Apart from baseball games, I can’t think of anything on television I want to watch. Plus it’s too cold inside, with all that processed air.

- If all else fails, go to Michigan for the summer.

Richard H. Schmidt is a retired Episcopal priest, editor and author who lives in Fairhope.

He can be reached at courier@gulfcoastmedia.com.