Dear Peer Pressure:

One of my best friends and I used to hang out all the time. But then she started dating a guy, and she’s obsessed with him. 

She’s getting on my nerves because all she talks about is him. It bugs me how she doesn’t care about the stuff we used to do.

Should I talk to her about how I feel? 

—Ditched Friend

SR: It is frustrating to lose a friend to someone else—especially if you have been very close for a long period of time.

When teenagers become obsessed with a new boyfriend or girlfriend, their attitude, conversations and free time tend to change. This can leave others feeling betrayed.

The feelings of obsession can make a person feel excited, yet crazy, at times. It is obvious that someone is obsessed when they change the way they dress, act or perform academically. Sleeping and eating habits might also change. Usually, the controlling person in a relationship will determine whom the couple ‘hangs out with’ as well.

Find the right time to share with your friend how you are feeling. Let her know in a nice way that you are proud of her for having a relationship that she is excited about, but you miss her company and companionship. Attempt to schedule time together and try to put yourself in her shoes. It might be wise to share time with some of your other friends also; therefore, she will have the space and time she needs to spend with her new friend without feeling guilty.

In the future, roles could reverse and you would respect the fact that she would return the favor.

JPC: As you get older you will probably have to deal with this issue more and more. Especially at early stages, relationships can sometimes consume your friends’ time.

Cool down; realize that your friend might not even realize how much her relationship is affecting you and her friends. If you have any interest in still being friends with this girl, definitely talk to her. Let her know that you feel like her relationship with this guy is taking over her life; remind her that it can be fun to hang out with her friends sometimes too. Eventually, she will find a better balance between her friends and her boyfriend.

Dear Peer Pressure:

There’s this guy at school that I really like. He went out with my best friend and she says that he cheated on her. I really like this guy and think he likes me, but he has a bad reputation for cheating on his girlfriends.

He says he won’t cheat on me, but how do I know he’s telling the truth? 

—Worried

SR: I don’t think you will truly know whether he will cheat on you until you take that chance. Dating during the middle- and high-school years can be difficult. Many times, best friends end up dating the same people. In a way, there is the positive side to knowing what he or she is like. Yet, every relationship is different. He might respect you and your wishes where he might have failed with others.

Have a serious conversation with this guy; tell him you’ve been informed that he has a habit of cheating and that concerns you. Let him know—in the beginning—that if you consider dating him, and he feels the urge to cheat, that you would rather him be bold enough to share this with you, so you can discontinue the relationship before someone gets hurt.

I once heard, “Real men don’t cheat!”

I’ve also heard, “Good men don’t cheat because they have strong relationships and ample respect for their own mothers or women in general.” Boys and men are different. This is a period in one’s life where self-identity is important and young people are extremely conscious of how they are viewed by their peers.

Keep the relationship light. Enjoy the fun of having a boyfriend, but do not put too much emphasis on something that is 99 percent just a temporary phase in life.

JPC: You don’t—and can’t—know he won’t cheat. He’s cheated on girls before—girls he most likely also told he wouldn’t cheat on.

Why do you think it will be different this time?

Do you really want to be with someone who has cheated several times before? Do you really want to be with someone who has hurt your best friend like that?

Speaking of which, how do you think this will affect your relationship with your her? Look at it from her perspective: You dated a guy whom you broke up with because he cheated on you, you’re hurt and upset with him, and when you really need your best friend to eat ice cream with you through this, you find out she wants to date him.

Besides, as much as you like him now, how would you feel if you found out later he was cheating on you? 

As great as it may seem, he just doesn’t sound worth it.