When you connect with others, do you immediately make judgments about that person? If people you communicate with are not receptive or responsive, do you form a negative opinion about that person? Many times, when people connect with others —  whether it is a neighbor, a coworker or a classmate — they tend to feel as though they have formed a new friendship. In order to connect well with others, you must first be able to connect with yourself.

I’ve heard many people say to those who are recently divorced, you must be able to like yourself and be comfortable with yourself before you can appreciate and be comfortable with someone else. During the first few months of any new friendship or relationship, people tend to cling to the words of others. After sharing much dialogue, then the relationship moves toward a test of loyalty and credibility. Being credible carries much weight and value. It doesn’t imply that a person must be perfect; yet, it does suggest that there is a safe feeling of trust between two or more individuals.

Trust in a relationship is based on living what you communicate. Your actions must match your words. Consequently, the relationship we share with others is directly related to the relationship we have with ourselves. We must be honest with ourselves and treat others according to The Golden Rule. The hard part in always being honest is the fact that it generally makes us vulnerable. Being honest with your self can be quite scary, but it is extremely important that we realize we are human and all humans make mistakes. However, when this happens, we must quickly acknowledge our wrongdoings, apologize and attempt to make amends.

Being accountable is also important in that people know they can depend on you and trust you to do your part in an activity with integrity. People who are happy with who they are set the standards by which they live and they show great character in aligning their words with their actions. In addition, they value their ideologies and set good examples for others. 

When speaking to your family, coworkers or friends, remember it is always best to try very hard to say the right words — at the right time — in the right manner. Let your words be original and genuine. Speak with wisdom and good intentions.

It is also always best to say only what you would be comfortable saying to anyone. Otherwise, your words can be a sword in your side if they are not used in the correct context when carelessly shared with others.

Dr. Sonya Rogers is a certified counselor who lives in Daphne.

Her column regularly appears in The Bulletin.