In the wake of the tragedy in Tucson, anguish has surged up from the heart of our nation, and with it, the assignment of blame. The left is pointing to the right, the right back to the left, gun control is demanded, violence is decried and teachers are blamed along with anyone and everything else. In all this talk, no one has asked the question that goes to the heart of this horrible event, “Where were this sick young man’s parents?”

Three days after the killings, the banner of one news service read, “Parents are devastated.” I am certain they are, but I wonder why. Where were they when this young man was showing anti-social behavior and dropped out of high school? At 22, he was living at home. What did they do when they learned of his prohibition from re-enrolling in the local community college until he passed a psychiatric evaluation? Why would they tolerate his building a shrine in the back yard with a human skull as its centerpiece?

His parents have to shoulder part of the blame by not providing the proper discipline and mental healthcare when it was necessary, but the problem goes deeper still.

The failure of this family is indicative of a much larger problem that no news analyst is discussing. The foundation and fabric of our society is crumbling. The American family, our strength for ages, is failing.

My generation, raised in the 60s, is the beginning of this downfall. We weren’t raised as this young man was, but we rebelled against it, and in the ensuing 40 years, the downward spiral is near its end. In my day, and in my own family, such behavior is not tolerated. Although embarrassing due to the stigma attached to mental illness, treatment would have been sought. I wonder how much, if not all of this tragedy could have been avoided, if the parents had taken time to talk to and be with their son.

In so many families today, both parents work. Some do so out of necessity, others, by choice. The results are the same. There is no parent when the children are home from school to ask the innocuous questions of, “How was your day,” or “What did you learn”? The child has no one to share their burdens or accomplishments.

After work, the parents are home, the evening meal is prepared, if the family shares a meal, chores done, and time taken to relax. All the while, the problems the child brought home are not dealt with and grow from small bumps to towering mountains.

I have had many parents with troubled teens tell me they are afraid to discipline them for fear of losing them. Afraid to discipline? That’s how the teen became troubled in the first place!

In any family, parents need to have a set of standards and a system of discipline that are inviolate. If a child wants to live a life style outside the standards of the family, in other words, make adult choices, they are then required to take on adult responsibilities: get a job, pay rent, utilities, buy food. Then they can behave anyway they want. This is hard … I know, I had to do it. That child is now a productive member of society requiring the same from her children and thanking me for disciplining her.

When the smoke of rhetoric clears, we need to look hard at the true issue. We are destroying America one family at a time and I wonder; do enough of us care?

David Wilson Atwood is a local freelance writer whose human-interest columns offer a unique perspective. He may be contacted at david@starchasers.us.