When you subconsciously think about who loves you, what thoughts come to your mind? Do you think about who kisses you goodnight, who dries your tears, who attends your sporting or extracurricular events, or who repeats the three words “I love you” on a regular basis?

Hearing those words are nice, but feeling like someone actually means what they are saying is much better. Actions do speak loudly!

Intentional loving entails giving gifts, dining out, going on trips, and simply setting time aside to be with a significant friend or family member. It means you follow through with your intentions to demonstrate through actions your love for that person. It is so common to find yourself in a daily routine. This is good for consistency and stability, but new adventures can be exciting. They do not have to be expensive either.

When spending quality time with a friend or family member, it is imperative that you listen to what he or she is saying. When someone loves you, they show it through their emotions, facial expressions, body language, and style of listening techniques.

They also do nice things for you; not just because it is your birthday or a holiday!

The words people speak to you are generated from their thoughts. People who love you do not feel satisfaction from speaking words that condemn or accuse. They are generally more compassionate and open. Supportive listening means you are open to what someone says, but you do not necessarily have to agree with everything they say. Good eye contact is definitely important for most people!

Feeling loved by someone involves more than just feelings. Love relates to emotions, commitment, actions, energy, attitude and intellect. When those factors are not present, people tend to feel forsaken and helpless. For middle-school students, feeling loved by family members and friends is crucial. It sometimes determines how a child feels in relation to his or her self-worth. This is a time that youngsters truly develop their self-identity.

When there is a breakdown in the family and love seems uncertain, young people often tend to blame themselves. They wonder whether had they made better grades, or helped more around the house that things would have been better.

However, if parents choose to divorce, it is vital that they talk regularly with their children to remind them that it wasn’t their fault and they will still be loved and cared for in a healthy manner.

Losing a parent through divorce can create a plethora of mixed feelings.

If both parents are not available to ensure safety and answer the questions at hand, a counselor, therapist,

or select family member needs to be available, so that grades and behaviors do not become affected in a negative fashion.

Effective communication is always a key to solving problems and breaking the barrier to unresolved questions. When facing difficult times, children and adults both need to find safe people to share their thoughts with in order to make better meaning of what has transpired, and to assist them in making wise decisions about school, work, finances nor the family unit.

Hopefully, sharing with a trustworthy person can keep work performances and relationships from becoming an issue.

Dr. Sonya Rogers is a certified counselor who serves as an English instructor for Daphne Middle School and Faulkner State Community College.

Rogers’ column runs twice a month, exclusively in the Daphne Bulletin and on BaldwinCountyNow.com.