When you look at Scott Tolbert of Daphne, you see a normal boy. Ditto for Cole Akins of Foley, Joel Vaughn of Robertsdale, and Alex Moore of Foley.

All nice, normal, active kids with bright smiles and a willingness to please. But look closer. They don’t meet your eyes easily. They don’t blend into one another’s games. They like to play their own game near or alongside someone else. And don’t ask about their areas of special interest, like dinosaurs, trains or cars; you might be in for a long dissertation.

All the boys have or their parents believe they have autism-spectrum disorders.

The “Autism Speaks” Web site, autismspeaks.org, claims that one out of every 150 children in this country has an autism-spectrum disorder. With some exceptions, boys are affected more often than girls.

The illness has a number of names, Autism, Asperger's Syndrome, PDD-NOS (Pervasive Developmental Disorder — Not Otherwise Specified), occasionally Rhett’s Disorder (this mostly affects girls), and Childhood Disintegrative Disorder.

No matter how lightly the one of the several diseases in the “spectrum” touches a child, the results can be devastating for a family. Children with autism-spectrum disorders (ASD) are prone to “meltdowns,” periods of loud and spectacularly bad behavior. Scientists still don’t know for sure why ASD exists or what causes it.

“People associate the disease with someone who looks and acts very different like “Rain Man,” said Shelly Alvarez of Robertsdale, Joel’s mom, speaking of the Dustin Hoffman film by the same name. “They look at the child, he appears normal, so they assume you have a neurotypical child and wonder why you don’t spank him.”

The other mothers give wry laughs. They have been there before.

It’s not easy for the kids, either.

“Sometimes people confuse me,” said Scott, a third-grade student at Daphne Elementary who has Asperger's Syndrome. “Some don’t. Some people blame me for for problems when I didn’t do it. It’s hard to understand why they do that.”

Not being able to “read” the subtle clues of interest or disinterest others give makes it hard for a youngster on the autism spectrum to make real friends.

“A lot of times Joel misperceives what others mean,” Alvarez said. “He came home crying once because his friend pushed him down. The boys were wrestling. He does not always understand the subtext of what’s going on.”

“He says the neighborhood kids are his friends, but they really aren’t,” said Lynn Tolbert, Scott’s mom. “He really does not have the social skills. Some of the older boys are real ugly to him, but he says they are his friends.”

Because their sons look so “normal,” it takes some doing to convince others that their child has a real problem.

“Some people don’t believe that the problem is real,” said Alvarez. “I just wish people knew how much parenting it takes to raise Joel.”

Because there is so much involved in raising ASD youngsters, Mary Thweatt, a former Robertsdale resident, has founded the Center for Autism and Asperger Resources and hopes to purchase the First Baptist Church complex on Racine Street in Robertsdale for approximately $1.65 million. While her son, Alex, has not been formally diagnosed with an ASD, he has significant developmental delay issues, and Thweatt strongly suspects he has an ASD. CARR was officially incorporated in September of 2007, and got its 501 (c) 3 designation in March of 2008. The group has found the volunteer services of a former grant writer.

“The church building is a lot of money, but it is a bargain,” says Thweatt, who envisions first a day care center with a “BCBA (Board Certified Behavior Analyst) on staff so we can have regular kids and kids on the autism spectrum mixed together.”

The day care, Thweatt hopes, will also expand its hours to accommodate the needs of working parents. Later, the building can be used for conferences and for teaching parents how to best help their youngsters. Thweatt also envisions renting parts of the multipurpose building to other organizations to help defray expenses.

The Akins family has been touched twice. Their son, Cole, has been diagnosed with PDD-NOS, and his sister, Avery, has been diagnosed with Rhett’s.

While Thad is a teacher at Gulf Shores HIgh School, it’s Carrie who carries the day-to-day burden of dealing with doctors and other professionals.

“As a regular education teacher, you only take one class in special education and all these diseases,” Thad said. “The main indicators are the temper tantrums and speech delay. This organization has been heaven-sent for my wife, Carrie.”

While there’s a lot of research happening to prevent ASD, members of CARR say help is needed for their children now.

“One of the first things that happens is the child gets kicked out of more than one kindergarten or preschool program,” Thweatt said, adding the one of the parents then stays home with the child, and then with the reduced income, the family gets down to one car, and probably does not have a chance to enjoy some of the nicer things of life.

“Going to a charity for school clothes isn’t a once-in-a-lifetime thing, it becomes the norm,” Thweatt said. “We want to get that parent back in the work force.”

That leads to a strain on the marriage, and it is not uncommon for ASD families to divorce, Thweatt says, which adds a new layer of complication on an already troubled family situation.

Getting help can be difficult.

“You keep getting sent from one agency to another,”

“We need to come together, and we need to come together now,” said Alvarez. “Our children need help now. We have to find that help now or when they enter DHR (Department of Human Resources) custody. Mary’s done more to help us and our children than anyone.”

“I’m not making excuses for Joel,” said Alvarez, “But there’s no place for children like him right now.”

“It’s like a shell game,” Thweatt said. “You get told about one organization, who refers you to another, and you find at the end you are back where you started.”

The CARR Web site is alcarr.org, and CARR can be reached by calling 971-2175.