Domestic violence is so prominent in society today that it is likely that everyone knows someone who has been impacted by domestic violence, whether they realize it or not. Even though it may seem like simply talking to someone who you suspect is involved in a domestic violence relationship won’t accomplish much, it is the first, and easiest step to begin making a difference according to the Lighthouse.

    Talking to a friend who you suspect may be involved in such a relationship shows that person that someone else cares about them enough to worry about them could help them open up.

    Counselors at the Lighthouse also have some other advice on how you can help:

Firstly, you have to make sure that you know what you are dealing with. Domestic violence is very serious, and others getting involved could make the situation worse not only for the victim, but also for those who are trying to help the victim. Take precautions to protect yourself and the victim before you get involved.

    Secondly, there are certain characteristics that can help you identify a domestic violence victim. The best warning sign is to go with your gut instinct. If you feel that something isn’t right about a relationship, you probably aren’t concerned for no good reason.

    Some signs that the Lighthouse says may indicate an abusive relationship:

    When your friend and her partner are together, you notice him acting very controlling or putting her down in front of others.

    You see him lose their temper, striking or breaking things.

    He acts extremely jealous of others who pay attention to her.

    She becomes quiet when he is around and seems afraid of making him angry.

    She stops seeing friends or family, and is becoming more and more isolated.

    She has unexplained injuries or the explanations offered don’t quite add up.

    She has casually mentioned his “explosive temper” or violent behavior but dismisses it as not a big deal.

    She often cancels plans at the last minute.

    Her partner controls her finances, her behavior, or who she socializes with.

    Her children are frequently upset or withdrawn.

One should also always remember to blame the offender, not the victim.

There are also steps that you can take to help victims of domestic violence.

    Listen without judging. Often an abuse victim believes the abusers negative messages about her and will feel responsible, ashamed, inadequate and afraid she will be judged negatively by others.

    Tell her the abuse is not her fault. Explain that physical violence in a relationship is never acceptable. There’s no excuse—not alcohol or drugs, financial pressure, depression, stress, jealousy, or anything she does or says.

    Make sure she knows she’s not alone. Millions of women o every age, race, class and religion face abuse, and it’s a very difficult and scary situation. Let her know that domestic violence tends to get worse over time and that it will not go away on its own.

    Explain that violence against her in a relationship is a crime and that she can seek protection from the police or courts and get help from the Lighthouse.

    Help her identify resources to help her take care of herself, get emotional support and build her self-esteem.

    Suggest that she develop a safety plan in case of an emergency. It is a good idea to keep money, important documents, a change of clothes and an extra set of keys in a safe place, such as at a friend or neighbor’s house.

    Encourage her to keep a log of what is happening to her, including evidence of threats sent in letters, emails, or left in voicemails or answering machines.

    Suggest that she tell her doctor or nurse about the violence, asking them to document the abuse in her medical records and take photographs of any injuries or offer to take photos yourself and suggest that she keep them in a safe place along with a written description of what happens. These records will be helpful for her if she decides to take legal action in the future.

    Think about ways you can help her. If she decides to leave her relationship, she might need money, assistance finding a place to live, a place to store her belongings, or a ride to her local police station if she needs to seek shelter at the Lighthouse.

    Get advice. If you need advice about a particular situation, call your local victim’s advocate at the Lighthouse at 1-800-650-6522 or 251-947-6008.

The Lighthouse is always in need of supplies, but please call ahead and get a current list of their needs, as they change from time to time.

If you would like to adopt a child or family for Christmas, please check abeacon.org in the near future for the 2010 Christmas wish list. Anyone interested in adopting a family are asked to call 251-947-2588 by Oct. 1, and gifts need to be received by the Lighthouse by Dec. 10.