Attention financial executives: I am available, for a reasonable fee, as a consultant for all you unfortunate individuals whose cash compensation has been capped at $500,000 a year.

My credentials: a lifetime of experience at living on less than half a mill. So now that the president has put a ceiling on salaries for executives of companies receiving federal bail-out funds, I can feel your pain, and I’m eager to help ease it.

There was a time when I could not imagine anybody having that much money to dispose of. My first glimpse of the good life came when I was 14 years old, and the local recreation director took me to Augusta, Ga., to meet the managing editor of the Augusta Herald, who likewise made under $500,000 a year. The ME offered me a job as a local stringer at 10 cents a column inch of type. I accepted on the spot before he had a chance to change his mind.

Before returning me to the shotgun shack where I then lived, the rec director stopped by an art-supply store, where he bought a few supplies and paid for them with a crisp $5 bill. He was probably making about $5,000 a year, which was pretty rich by our standards.

I remember well that it was a Wednesday. Wednesday in my family was the day lean meat disappeared from our menu and we switched to butterbeans and fatback as the main dinner course. Mama and Daddy may have had a dollar and change left from their cotton-mill paychecks, but they needed that to buy lunch off the dope wagon. A $5 bill was a rarity at midweek in our household.

I also remember when I was a novice reporter for the Augusta Chronicle and Herald, covering the neighboring city and county of Aiken, S.C. I learned that Aiken’s city manager made around $9,000 a year, and I wondered how he found places to spend that much money. My pay was $65 a week.

Over the years, my salary rose to well over $9,000 a year, but never as high as $500,000, so let me pass on a few hints for surviving at lower income levels.

At $500,000 a year, you won’t be able to buy the Chrysler Corp., not even at a distress sale. But you should be able to afford a PT Cruiser with no sweat. It’s a neat looking little car, fairly roomy and economical, and it offers a nice level of comfort. No, it doesn’t ride like a stretch limo, but you’ll survive. If you, like Tom Daschle, have been accustomed to the free use of a whole fleet of automobiles, don’t be dismayed. Budget Rental has some nice late-model cars that you can rent quite reasonably. As a bonus, you won’t have to pay income tax for the privilege.

Can’t afford a full-time chauffeur on your reduced earnings? Learn to drive. It’s lots of fun. And if city traffic intimidates you, take a taxi or a bus.

At the pittance the president wants to allow you, I doubt that you can afford a private jet to travel around the country. I personally prefer driving, but if you must fly, check out the commercial airlines. They have categories called business class and first class, which are well within your means. They’ll keep you safely separated from hoi polloi in the sardine section at the rear of the aircraft.

At a paltry half a mill, you may not be able to afford an estate in the Hamptons, an apartment on Park Avenue, a condo at Palm Beach, a villa on St. Marten’s and a chateau at St. Moritz. But look at it this way: You can only live in one house at a time. Unload all those expensive pads and buy yourself a McMansion in the Atlanta suburbs. You’ll find quite a few of them in foreclosure and available at bargain-basement prices. They generally have three or four bedrooms, two or three baths and other amenities. Put a mural of St. Moritz in the great room and you can pretend you’re in the Alps.

If you need to leave your McMansion for distant climes, here’s a tip: Most desirable destinations have things called hotels. You can get a comfortable room at Day’s Inn, and the accommodations go up from there. For an extra $100 or so a night, you can have your sheets turned back and a mint left on your pillow.

So the lady of the house needs new threads to wear to the charity balls. I know she’s used to hopping a jet for Paris and shopping among the maisons of haute couture. Let me give you a tip: Miss Peggy looks great in the stuff she buys at T. J. Maxx. She also looks smart in the stuff she buys at Belk sales, and I’ve known her to buy slightly flawed garments for next to nothing, take them home and repair them on her sewing machine. She walks away looking like she’d just returned from an expedition to the Champs Elysses, and she doesn‘t max out or MasterCard. You might also want to check out a phenomenally successful retail business known as Walmart.

The president seems to be cracking down on country-club memberships as part of your compensation package. Did you know that there are wonderful golf courses all over this land where you can drive up, pay a reasonable greens fee, rent a golf cart and enjoy a great day on the links?

These are just a few of the ways you can cut back on expenses without cutting your lifestyle to the bone. For my complete guidelines on how to live comfortably on $500,000 a year, please write me at the address at the end of my column. I will send them to you for a mere $19.99 plus shipping and handling.

Readers may write Gene Owens at 317 Braeburn Drive, Anderson SC 29621 or e-mail him at WadesDixieco@AOL.com.