There are three things Southern women take very seriously; God, family and their hair, and we all know God and our families want us to have pretty hair. I seem to recall a Bible verse that said, “The bigger the hair, the closer to God,” or is it something about a “crowning glory?”

So, my theological conundrum is this ¾ if God loves Southerners enough to give us okra, grits and college football, and tells the ladies that our hair is our crowning glory, then why on His green earth would God send the South so much humidity?

Although we love to have big, poufy hair, a la Miss Watermelon Queen 1989, we also want it to be sleek, smooth and shiny. But the same humidity that people swear is the secret to our dewy, glowing skin is also a major enemy to the perfectly coiffed look.  Muggy air produces frizz, and frizz is the wrong kind of big.

To add insult to injury, just when we think we’ve found the perfect products from Bee-Bee’s Beauty Barn that promise to battle the humidity, age jumps into the game and wrecks our “dos.” In all the books I found slid under my childhood door about our “changing bodies,” none of them mentioned the horror of having my hair’s texture transform as I grew older. Combined with humidity, my “maturing” hair doesn’t stand a chance.

When my beach vacation was interrupted with three days of steamy tropical rain, I discovered my hair was reverting to my three-year-old little girl style and crimped to the point of being curly. So now, it’s easier to have curls in the hot months than my desired sleek look of the South. It’s more of a “wild woman” look than “proper Southern lady,” and although I’m not a big fan of the curls, for some reason my husband loves it.

When the season arrives for us to put away the seersucker and pull out the team jersey, we know the soggy days of humidity are on their way out. Ladies who have been hiding beneath hats, ponytails and a croaker sack full of barrettes, headbands and pins are suddenly freed from oppression and are able to once again sport the smooth, flowing, poufy hair belles were meant to have. Barbie dolls have nothing on us when it comes to a crisp autumn day.  By mid-October, Southern Belles finally get to “let their hair down” in the truest sense.

Maybe God gives the Southern states so much humidity so we won’t take pretty hair for granted. People in other areas of the country don’t seem to put nearly as much effort into how their hair looks and often wear what they call “practical” styles (whatever that means).

I learned dry air is our hair’s best friend, when I was on a trip to Arizona and had my all-time best hair day ever. The Grand Canyon crowd was very impressed with my big, Southern hair-do. A battery-powered curling iron was helpful for touch-ups after rafting, and I could tell by their stares, that visitors from other parts of the country appreciated my Southern efforts to look put-together while on the trails.

Come to think of it, you would think there would be more Miss Americas from the mid-west, seeing how they have the non-humidity advantage. If you will recall, the best Miss America ever, Alabama’s own Heather Whitestone, almost always had to wear her hair pulled back. Even our home-grown royalty wasn’t exempt from the menacing muggy air, but clever Heather discovered that firmly securing her hair with a sparkling crown is the best solution of all, and like many other Belles took it to heart that hair is truly our “crowning” glory.

Leslie Anne Harrison also writes the blog, Fairhope Supply Co. which can be found at www.fairhopesupply.com