Q. My marriage is boring and dull. I have discussed this with my husband. He agrees. What can we do to make our marriage more fun? It seems all we do is work, chores, kids, and then we do it all over again. Are we falling out of love?

A. Let me compliment you first. You and your husband do more than some couples I have met. You discuss sensitive issues. I am very proud of you for this skill. This skill is a great beginning for a more fulfilling marriage. I also see commitment in your question. Both you and your husband seem to put a great deal of emphasis on the children and what the family needs to run smoothly. This also is a good sign of a healthy marriage.

Now, let’s set down and work on a simple idea to make your marriage more exciting. What would happen if you and your husband made a list of all important dates in your life; first date, anniversary, birthdays, listing all the “first this” and “first thats” in your married life? Make this list together. Be sure to include the first time you forgot an important date. Include the date of your first yard sale and your first pet together. List it all! If you did nothing else, this list will bring smiles and remembrances to your mind and you will begin to feel connections that you have not felt in a while.

Now, what to do with the list: Take your phone and put reminders in your calendars. Take your email program’s calendar and put reminders there as well. Write in reminders on the calendar on the wall. When the date of something special approaches (even the bad events like forgetting the third anniversary and remembering four days later can be used for good now) immediately act on it. Order flowers, buy a card, send an e-card, plan a picnic, make a gift, plan an evening out, plan an evening in; just plan something. Be creative. At the least, pick up the phone and call your spouse. Say something romantic that shares your memories of the event.

The trick is to not expect things but be surprised when the other chooses to celebrate something most couples would not invest in emotionally. These remembrances do not have to cost any money. In fact, the most creative and free expressions of recall turn out to be the most special. Your spouse will be excited that you chose ‘that one’ to celebrate this time. Do not keep score on who does the most recall. Do not expect! Set the stage. Show your spouse every moment is special. Your spouse will catch on and follow suit.

Try it and let me know how it works. I hope these comments help.

You may email me at cindyhwarren@yahoo.com with your questions. Till next month…continuing to instill hope in all things!

Ms. Cindy