Peer Pressure:

I’m a mom of a teenage girl and guy (a seventh-grader and ninth-grader). I want to know whether guys have crushes on many girls because girls tend to pick one guy.

In other words, do guys tend to have crushes on more than one girl at a time while girls tend to have a crush on just one guy at a time? What is the trend?

I’m beginning to notice this when I’m listening to my two kids around their friends and I have noticed a big difference in the way they think.

—Mom

SR: Having a crush as a teenager is quite normal. Entering the realm of adolescence presents a great deal of uncertainty in a child’s life. The hormonal surge and desire to be liked and accepted by others is crucial to the identity of any youth.

When a crush develops, young people begin to write words such as, “I love T.G.” There seems to be a bit of pride in letting others know how they feel. Also, the thought of that person may constantly be on their mind, so they might choose to doodle the name of their crush on their paper or journal. 

As a parent, it is wise to practice ‘active listening skills.’ If you are curious about your child’s feelings, being that their grades have dropped or they seem to be daydreaming often, open the lines of communication by asking questions that may begin with words such as, “Some kids….at your age are afraid of having a crush on someone and especially feeling rejected.” This may provide the opportunity for your child to share his or her thoughts and concerns.

‘Teen love’ is different today than when most adults were young. Many students today are more forward and direct when they flirt or approach someone they have developed feelings for. Excitement and obsessions can follow romantic encounters that sometimes create a rollercoaster for any adolescent. Therefore, parents should not make fun of their child’s development of a crush, yet create opportunities for discussion and clearly state family values and expectations. It is also important to encourage teens to maintain an interest in reading, academics, sports and quality friendships.

In relation to boys and girls being different, it is evident that all children can respond differently to similar situations. Some boys do like the idea of seeing how many girlfriends they can ‘have’ within a month, a year, or even within a week.

However, others develop a crush on one girl and remain true to her for years. While some boys like to ‘boast’ about their relationships, others remain secretive and become embarrassed by the thought.

Girls tend to daydream continuously about the most romantic scenarios. Girls are known to communicate their thoughts and feelings more openly. They also tend to giggle about what experiences they have shared with their ‘crush.’

JPC: I feel the tendency to crush on just one person versus many may be more related to differences in your children’s crushing habits, or even those of their entire group of friends.

My history teacher once compared teens to lemmings; we do have a tendency to follow the crowd, and your kids will probably be picking up social cues on ‘acceptable crushing behavior’ from the people they hang out with.

I would in no way use this information to brand one type of crushing as girl-specific and another as guys-specific when it comes to teenagers, as it will probably vary from group to group and person to person. For instance, my group of female friends and I have had the tendency to crush on more than one guy at a time, whereas some of my guy friends say they usually only crush on one girl at a time.

You’re definitely right about one thing: there is a huge difference in the way teenage girls and guys think.

Peer Pressure:

I’m having trouble with grades in school and am nervous for the year. Can you help me?

—Flunking

SR: If you are having trouble with grades in school, you must ask your self, “What am I doing that is creating a problem for me academically?” Reflect back to times when you performed well and make a list of pros and cons so that you will have a visual reminder of what worked for you before that might not be working for you now. As students enter middle school or high school, they tend to struggle with the transition. There are more clubs, sports and opportunities for students to become more responsible; they are also more stressed than they experienced in the primary grades.

If you find that in class your mind is drifting, learn to take better notes, draw pictures of concepts you have questions about, ask a peer to assist you who does understand the subject or topics that are confusing you. Moreover, always find a way to finish homework and study more effectively for tests.

Keep a record of each assessment, so that you have an idea throughout the quarter what your grades are and remember to seek ways to gain extra credit if necessary. As you develop better study habits, you will see progress and feel better about yourself and your academic standing.

Think for a minute about runners. They must develop time management skills, dedication, persistence and a strong will power in order to improve their speed and endurance. Eventually, the hard work does pay off and the results are noble.

JPC: Grades are something even the best students feel apprehensive about at one time or another. School administrators have for years been telling me the best way to ensure good grades is to work hard at the beginning of the semester—as opposed to trying to pull everything up right before exams, when most things are set and time is so limited.

It’s taken me three years of high school and countless all nighters, but I finally realize they know what they’re talking about.

Luckily, it’s still relatively early in the semester, so you have plenty of time to pull your grades up so you’re not stressed out of your mind at exam time.

Now for the difficult part: how to actually pull bad grades up. The best thing to do is to talk to your teachers, tell them how you’re feeling and ask for suggestions on how to learn the material. Whenever I’m feeling apprehensive about my schoolwork, I always try to go to the teacher and ask them what they think the best things to do to succeed in their class are.

Another thing to do is to figure out who’s doing well in that class and ask them how they have any tips for how to study, or even if they could maybe help you with learning the material.

Hopefully, after having these conversations and putting the information from them to use, you should be able to get your grades up and be a little less worried.

Good luck!