When an old high school friend phoned me some time ago asking me to co-chair our high school reunion with him, at first I declined.

“I wasn’t part of the ‘in’ group in high school and always felt like the outsider,” I told him. “I never had a real girlfriend, didn’t play the right sports and was interested in things nobody else cared about. I was an oddball, a misfit. I’m not sure I want to revisit all that.”

His reply caught me up short. “We all felt that way back then,” he said. “We were teenagers and every teenager feels like a misfit.”

I had never thought of that, so I agreed to co-chair the reunion. To my surprise, I had a great time there connecting with people I had never connected with before.

What had changed? We’d all grown up, of course, but what about growing up made friendship possible where it hadn’t existed before?

It has to do with that ‘in’ group and ‘out’ group business, I think. Popularity was everything in high school. I thought the “popular” kids had it made. My high school classmates liked me, but I didn’t consider myself popular and I certainly didn’t feel part of the ‘in’ group. But now I wonder. Did we all think we were unpopular? Did none of us feel part of the ‘in’ group?

I graduated from high school 52 years ago and haven’t heard anyone described as popular since. I’ve heard people called lots of other things, but not popular. In the adult world, people don’t talk about who’s popular. It no longer matters.

That’s because mature people realize there is no “in” group. Popularity and unpopularity are figments of our imaginations. Popular with whom? Who composes the list of popular people? No one does. There is no such list.

As an adult, I have acquired several circles of friends. There are the friends who read the same things I do. And friends who do volunteer work with me. Friends who like classical music. Friends I meet at church. My fellow clergy and their spouses. Friends who appreciate baseball. Friends who like geography.

Those not numbered among my friends are not “unpopular.” They are not in the “out” group. It’s just that I don’t know them or have not found a common interest with them.

Those people have their own circles of friends and I don’t feel rejected because those circles don’t include me. We can’t become friends with everyone (Facebook notwithstanding). We can’t be in every group, and no group is more “in” than another.

Many people are interested in things I can’t or don’t want to talk about. The world needs people who know how to repair computers, add columns of figures, grow cotton and drive 18-wheelers. But you won’t find me hanging out with those people, at least not while they’re talking shop, and some of them may have little use for someone who writes books and newspaper columns. Thank goodness we’re not all alike. What a boring world that would be, and think how many important tasks would never get done!

On the other hand, I sometimes acquire new interests when I spend time with those who differ from me. No one who knew me years ago would have thought I’d ever enjoy watching a football game, but now I do. No one would have thought I’d enjoy running a cash register, but now I do. No one would have thought I’d enjoy lifting weights, but now I do (well, sort of).

Getting to know people who differ from me also helps me see something of God in them. I’m thinking of those whose understanding of the Bible diverges from mine, those of other races, nationalities, politics, religions and sexual orientations. I’ve learned to see a glimmer of God in all of them.

Nobody is ‘in’ and nobody is ‘out.’ People are just different and we all do the best we can in our circumstances. God created all sorts of people and loves every one, so I’m trying to do the same, even those with whom I have little in common. And wouldn’t the world be a happier place if we all tried to do that!

Richard H. Schmidt is a retired Episcopal priest, editor and author who lives in Fairhope. He can be reached at courier@gulfcoastnewspapers.com.