A west coast acquaintance was not happy I instructed my then 3-year-old to say “yes ma’am” to her. She also didn’t think it was an act of kindness when my husband held the door for the two of us. She alluded that our southern manners were an oppressive thing of the past.

But are manners important only for reasons of tradition, or is there a larger purpose in our properness?

When children learn there is a pecking order in society to which they must adhere, I think they’re more likely to learn the qualities of respect and honor. As much as some people would like to think, outside of God’s eyes, we aren’t all created equal and when it comes to real-life, like it or not, there is usually going to be someone who is in charge of you. And whether or not you like your boss, commanding officer or principal, you need to show them due respect.

My son can be steaming mad at me for whatever reason it is teenagers get mad, but the next second, he will allow me to walk ahead of him in the restaurant and hold my chair for me. Angry or not, he knows I’m still his mom and for that reason alone, I deserve his respect. From simple manners, a civil society is born.

The recent killing of two innocent police officers in New York City, along with the riots and unrest in other states have made me think about how those who would challenge a police officer in a violent way must have been raised. Were they encouraged to use good manners when addressing those in authority, or were they allowed to feel entitled and equal to those who were in a position of power?

A few years ago, I was driving my two sons to school when a blue light flashed behind me. Totally frustrated, I pulled the car over and rolled down the window. I knew I hadn’t been speeding and of course, we were on a tight schedule, but I placed my hands on the steering wheel in clear sight of the officer and gave him a friendly “good morning.” The officer explained my tag had expired, but I knew for a fact we had just received the new stickers in the mail a couple of weeks before, so even though I didn’t agree, I apologized and promised to check into the matter. Sure enough as we pulled away, now late for school, my youngest son piped up from the backseat and said, “Mom ... Dad gave me the stickers to put on the car, but I thought they both went on his car.”

My sons’ lesson that morning was not only how the tag renewal system works, but how even when I felt totally irritated by the entire process, I still used good manners and interacted in a respectful and polite way. Though the officer was probably younger than me, his title and position in the community was one to be respected, and I said “yes sir,” “no sir” and “thank you” when responding to the man who was just doing his job.

It may seem simplistic to think teaching a child to say, “please” will guarantee they will grow into a well-adjusted, respectful citizen, but a solid foundation to anything good always begins with the best materials available. So whether manners are taught in the good old-fashioned southern tradition or in another method from elsewhere, it seems our properness just may serve a larger purpose after all.

Leslie Anne Harrison writes the blog Fairhope Supply Co. which can be found at www.fairhopesupply.com.