I guess one of the great mysteries of human existence is why we can’t keep our mouths shut. The world would be so much better off if most of us had to fill out paperwork or pass a test before we said anything; or had some kind of “wordometer” around our neck that, when we reached our word quota for the day, would disable our ability to speak. You know, like an involuntary vow of silence.

If we could keep our mouths shut Dr. E. Gordon Gee would probably still have his cushy job as president of The Ohio State University. But no, the bow-tie wearing Gee couldn’t rein in his tongue. He disparaged Notre Dame University and its leaders by saying the priests were “holy” on Sunday and “holy hell” the rest of the week in explaining why Notre Dame wasn’t joining the Big Ten Conference. He slammed schools like the University of Louisville and said Southeastern Conference fans need to learn to read and write. Well, Gordon, we can cipher good ‘nuf to know you cain’t spell “geek” without “Gee.” What a jackass!

Jackassery is rampant in sports. Bob Stoops, head football coach at Oklahoma University, recently opened his pie hole and said the Southeastern Conference isn’t really that tough top to bottom. Seven straight BCS national championships for the SEC, half the conference in the Top Ten at the end of the season and Bob is arguing that the SEC is overrated. Bob, you’re a boob!

And what about big Roy Hibbert of the Indiana Pacers? The Pacers had the Miami Heat on the ropes in the NBA playoffs and Roy is playing like freakin’ Wilt Chamberlain. But what does he do? He opens his mouth and out comes a gay slur directed at a player who just “came out.” Roy, Roy, Roy! You should have been concerned with LeBron James, not the openly gay player. You opened your mouth and got all distrated with the media reaction and ... game, set, match Miami! You’re sitting at home like Gordon Gee.

And when are old Republican men going to learn that they should never, never, never talk about sex? Just keep you mouth closed about s-e-x! The latest Republican to open his mouth was Sen. Saxby Chambliss of Georgia. Ol’ Saxby, weighing in on the wave of sexual assaults in the military, had this to say: The whole thing is caused by the level of hormones that Mother Nature has set! That’s almost as insightful as the Republican candidate last year who noted that a woman’s body shuts down during rape.

Yep, on any given day there are fools who ought to know better saying things that are coming back to bite them. They are opening their mouths and making jackasses of themselves ... people like Michael Douglas. (If you don’t know, don’t ask!) Whatever, the whole thing leaves me speechless, which, I think, is a good thing.

Bob Morgan is a retired, award-winning journalist and an author.