I was back home in Opelika for a wedding recently and was privy to an amusing story about a streaker that once made his way around the town’s historic Victorian district some years ago.

“There was this man, naked as the day he was born,” the person telling the story told me.

“Nekkid,” I replied. “He was nekkid.”

What’s the difference, you may ask? The person telling me the story cetainly did.

I replied with a quote from that great Southern thinker Lewis Grizzard:

“There's a big difference between the words ‘naked’ and ‘nekkid.’ ‘Naked’ means you don't have any clothes on. ‘Nekkid’ means you don't have any clothes on - and you're up to something.

Malice is a part of the charge of “nekkidness” in the opinions of this reporter.

“Naked” is skinny-dippin’ in your backyard pool or a secluded pond far from the madding crowd.

“Nekkid” is stripping down at the public pool or down on the public beach.

“Naked” is a little kid running around the house hoopin’ and hollerin’ after they get out of the tub.

“Nekkid” would be when that kid runs out the front door and bolts to the nearest mudhole, negating the effects of the previously mentioned bath.

“Naked” is coming home to find your sweetheart waiting for you with a loving look in their eyes.

“Nekkid” is coming home to find your sweetheart in the altogether with another person, especially your ne’er-do-well cousin Delbert.

“Naked” can sometimes involve an overimbibing of alcoholic beverage, and usually is accompanied by a whimisical spirit of frivolity.

“Nekkid” almost always involves overuse of crystal meth, and is accompanied by running around the neighborhood screaming about animals trying to eat your face, dancing on top of police vehicles to “ward off vampires and evil spirits,” attacking cars on the Interstate with a tire iron “preaching” about what the Great Spirit Mother Shabubu told you to do or, perhaps, getting up in a tree in Crichton and pretending to be a leprechaun.

Be on the lookout for examples of “naked” and “nekkid” in your necks of the woods, and feel free to report back on instances you’ve seen.

As for streakers - the jury has come back with a verdict.

Nekkid. Always nekkid.

Cliff McCollum is managing editor of Gulf Coast Media. He can be reached at cliff@gulfcoastmedia.com.