my calendar looks like it is bleeding to death for all the red ink

that signifies major events that I, the Admiral, or both must

attend before the big event of the month, Christmas. Most of these

activities revolve around the Princesses’ concerts. ‘Tis the season

very well. I do not know where they get their talent, for neither

the Admiral nor I are allowed within four rows of any choral group

for fear that our non-talent represents a void like unto a black

hole and will suck the singers dry of their God-given abilities.

Our family is richly blessed with the girls’ talents and love to

with various choirs when they were 5 years old. As they have

matured, so have their voices and their harmony. They are so good,

that when they want to get even with me for some supposed slight,

they sing, which most often results in bringing me to tears, but

year including rehearsals, and when added up, represent over 75

hours of singing. That also translates into a lot of hours driving,

sitting, waiting and driving some more. It is all so worth

a joyful noise. It seems to be in the air. Some of the most

beautiful music ever written is to celebrate this time of year and

the events that are the reason for it. Music lifts us all, and as

winter’s darkness closes around us, it serves to uplift our souls

and rekindle an inner light. It is a time to

at Christmas, I wish I did. I long to be able to sing with passion

and precision the chorus to “O Holy Night,” to move an audience to

tears with “Silent Night,” but that is not my

believe I can sing. I’ve butchered every song I’ve sung all year

from the “Star Spangled Banner” and “Take Me Out to the Ball Game,”

to “Happy Birthday,” but when it comes to Christmas, I sing loud

and proud, often to the chagrin of all around

“Hallelujah Chorus” from Handel’s “Messiah.” One of the Princesses,

and sometimes both, stand next to me to drown me out. I’m sure

there is some physics to explain the phenomenon of noise

cancellation, but I know it works except for the poor person

caroling. If you are like me, it will be necessary to go in a large

group with many who can sing. The magic of the season is that these

people with the gift of beautiful voices will tolerate you this one

time of the year. Do not be lulled into believing you can sing and

show up at their next rehearsal. They may not throw you out, but by

the time you have endured mouth-open stares, and glares, you will

advantageous to go to houses, or places that do not know me, and

will likely never see me again. That way there is no retribution,

or, in some cases, revenge. Over the years, I have discovered that

I should stay home, turn up the stereo and sing along with it. It

is much safer and, although never voiced, a relief to those who

would graciously consent to my presence in their

many local opportunities for you to get out and hear some music,

and even make a joyful noise. Pick your favorite church, or do an

online search for choral groups and events, and I promise, you will

find one that is near. Often, these events are free. If you can’t

find a concert or recital that fits your schedule, make one of your

own, go caroling, but you would be well advised to not include