Dear Sonya and Jackie:

My parents are divorced and my dad just got remarried. It gets confusing because now I have three parents instead of just two. 

I feel like I’m some sort of movie being returned to Blockbuster, or some library book that has to be returned. I have to keep going back and forth between houses. I’m one week at my dad’s house and then one week at my mom’s house. It’s like my mom’s house is Blockbuster and my dad is the renter. It makes me feel like an object. 

How do I help myself feel less like a movie rental and more like a kid? 

—Late Fee

SR: The term “divorce” creates many mixed emotions for people.

Unfortunately, in many cases, the effects of divorce can be quite destructive for children. Healthy relationships can seem to disappear overnight.

In an ideal situation, children of divorced parents would have both parents close by. Limiting time spent with one or the other parent can prove detrimental. For children to feel close to each parent, daily contact should at least be allowed; then the separation during the week may not seem so trivial. The parent who isn’t in contact with the child daily misses out on important developmental and social experiences.

If bitterness exists between the two parents, it shouldn’t keep the child from having a healthy relationship with both. Also, if both parents are allowed to attend sporting events, graduation, etc., the child doesn’t typically feel as isolated from one or the other.

If having to spend time at one house for one week and then the other home the next week, I would suggest making friends in both neighborhoods, having free access to call the other parent from each home, and finding a positive way to bond with each parent during that particular week.

It is sad, but true, that there are some children who live in a two-parent (biological) home without step-parents, who do not receive the quality time and attention needed to feel happy or complete with family ties.

JPC: That’s a tough situation to be in.

Just because your parents got divorced, doesn’t mean you should be shuffled around, feeling like an inanimate object. I’m sure you miss your old way of life when you just had two parents, one mom and one dad. 

What you’re feeling is completely normal for your situation. Try to talk to your parents — your real mom and dad — and see if you can get them to understand what you’re going through.   If they are too distracted to listen, then maybe your school counselor could help you vent your feelings.

Keep in mind that you are a human being, not a movie rental  or a library book. Know that you are great, even if your parents are too preoccupied right now to remind you of that.

Dear Sonya and Jackie:

Since my parents got divorced, I have to get a ride to church with my friend’s family because my dad doesn’t go to my church and my mom is always out of town. 

My parents never get to see me acolyte. Also, people don’t know my dad’s address, so when I’m at my dad’s house, if somebody invites me to a party, I can’t go because I don’t even know about the party until it’s too late. (The invitation gets mailed to my mom’s house.) 

These are just some of the things that stink about my parents getting divorced.

What should I do?

—Lonely Acolyte

SR: Even though parents are busy and often at a distance, it is imperative that you understand they really do love you. Just because marriages end, family relationships do not have to dissolve.

It sounds like you are going to have to make some adult decisions and find a way to enlighten your close friends as to where you live, at what time, and how to reach you. Consequently, there are many other children in your shoes, and believe it or not, they battle similar issues.

Co-parenting from separate homes can be very difficult. ALL children should understand that it is not their fault, but it is THEIR job to let their parents know of any upcoming school events, parties or necessities that may be required for school, church, or extracurricular activities. Many children these days do carpool with friends to church and ballgames.

Find a great safety net for when you need something and your parents are not there.

Remember: Everybody needs others to survive, and people like to help other people!

JPC: Let’s face it, divorce stinks. 

But you can take action to make the rollercoaster ride a little less shaky. Let your parents know it would mean a lot to you if they would come to see you be an acolyte one Sunday, or even on different Sundays. Let them know that you would really like for one of them to be there. 

About the invitation thing, get friendship cards (like business cards) made up and give them out to classmates with both addresses on them. Also, remind your dad to make sure his address is in the school directory with your name by it. Finally, let your friends know that if they’re having a party, you would love them to mail invitations to both addresses. 

I’m sorry you’re stuck in this situation. It must be hard, but hopefully you can put these tips to good use to make life with divorced parents a little easier.