wandering the isles of a store and saw a Superman suit. I picked it

up, wishing they had had such cool things when I was a kid. We had

to make our own. While looking at it, I saw the label that read,

“Warning: This suit will not enable wearer to fly.” I chuckled,

remembering my vain attempts as a child trying to fly by tying a

bath towel around my neck and launching myself off the back of the

couch onto the living room floor. I knew that the reason for my

failure was that I did not have a red “S” on my chest, but even

painting one on with my mother’s lipstick did not get me

was pulling them out of a tree where the two older sisters were

trying to convince their baby brother he would fly with a towel

around his neck. One of the girls said, “It probably wouldn’t have

worked anyway. Mom and Dad keep the towels without holes for

themselves.” The Princesses were upset when they thought the reason

they could not fly was that their mother would not give them the

batteries necessary to make their towels

the Superman suit. If I had had one, I would probably have tried

flying from the roof instead of the couch. The legal ramifications

for the manufacturer warrant a warning. Without it, I envision a

mass movement all over America by children who wish to splatter

themselves on their driveways. No, children have too much sense for

infamous incident where the woman ordered HOT tea from a

drive-through, and spilled it on herself, then sued the fast food

chain because the cup did not contain a warning label that HOT tea

would be hot. I did some research around the house, and on the

Internet for other absurd labels. These are but a few I

clothes on body.” I understand the need for that one. Clothes

should be ironed on a flat surface to get the wrinkles out. Can you

imagine trying to iron pleats while wearing

this product moves when used.” I’m certain that is for those who

could easily mistake the scooter for a lawn

power lines.” That would be for those of us who have facilities in

warnings, do not use this product.” I’m sure that one is

in this washer.” After they drown in the wash and rinse cycles, I

the dashboard, “Do not drive with sunshield in place.” Really, you

humor. On a Boeing 757, “Fragile, do not drop.” Another on a laser

pointer, “Do not look into laser with remaining eye.” I love that

one. Another on a mattress, “Do not attempt to swallow.” Are there

people out there who would? On a supermarket dessert box, “Product

will be hot after heating.” Who would have thought

we have become so litigious that every company needs protection

from those who sue, “sewers” I call them, or the gene pool has

become so polluted that we are incapable of rational, common sense

polluters eliminated themselves. Look at the Darwin Award winners

for proof. It seems they try to give cause for warning

that Superman suit, thinking about the warning, I struck upon a

solution. We should remove warning labels from everything, and then

issue every man and woman in America a Superman suit. The pool