Editor’s Note: Gulf Coast Newspapers does not intend to promote, or condone, sex among high school students. However, one teenager’s question about an issue that affects so many of today’s youth, must be answered in fairness.

Dear Peer Pressure:

I’ve  dated my boyfriend for seven months. My best friend started having sex with her boyfriend of eight months. My boyfriend wants to move forward too and I don’t know what to do. 

—Pressured 

SR: Have you heard the saying, “If your friend jumps off of a bridge, are you going to jump too?”

No matter how old you are or how long you have been dating, no time period determines when a person should engage in sexual relations. As a teenager, you should learn facts about your body, how to prevent pregnancies, and how to stay free from transmitted diseases.

The risks for being sexually active before marriage—or being old enough to know how to take care of one’s body—outweigh the benefits of being cool or accepted by someone of the opposite sex. You must remain firm in your decision to make wise choices. Stand strong in doing what is right and others will respect you.

Curious about the subject? Speak to someone you can confide in who will be direct and informational.

Meantime, according to stayteen.org, a project of The National Campaign to Prevent Teen and Unplanned Pregnancy:

< Three out of 10 teenage girls in the U.S. get pregnant at least once before age 20. (In fact, the U.S. has the highest teen pregnancy rate in the industrialized world, and eight out of 10 fathers don’t marry the mother of their child.)

According to AIDS.gov:

Be sure you understand the consequences that can follow making a crucial decision like this.

An remember, sexual involvement should always be of mutual consent.

JPC: There are several things to consider when making this decision:

Though many teenagers feel invincible, pregnancy and STDs are possible side effects of sex; abstinence is the only fool-proof way to avoid both. Even condoms aren’t 100 percent effective.

Think you’re safe on the birth-control pill? FYI: It won’t prevent an STD, and if you’ve missed a tablet even once this month, chances of stopping pregnancy aren’t as high as you’d like.

Do some research (perhaps at www.stayteen.org) to learn more about the physical consequences of teen sex.

Also, think about what sex could do to your relationship. A seven-month-old relationship can seem like an eternity when you’re young, but in the grand scheme of things, it’s not long at all, so consider your boyfriend’s feelings for you, and of yours for him. Will having sex alter those feelings? Will it strengthen or weaken the bond between you?

You might need a cheat-sheet for this one, so write this on your wall, post it on the side of your laptop or scrawl it in Sharpie across the bottom of your tennis shoes:

“Remember: You are not your friends.”

Just because your best friend had sex, doesn’t mean it’s best for you. It may seem like everyone is doing it, but you don’t know the aftermath of their actions.

It’s been my experience that more people than you’d expect have major regrets about having sex too soon. Also, after high school, you may hang out with a whole new group of people; while friends and boyfriends come and go, you will be you forever. You may want to do this now, but what about next week, next month, next year?

Responsible adults make this decision for themselves—not for a significant other who wants to “move forward,” but because at the end of the day, you must live with the consequences.

Don’t have sex just to get your boyfriend to stop bugging you about it.

Your parents, friends and boyfriend, will all have (most likely conflicting) viewpoints on this. But it will be you lying awake at night thinking, “I’m so glad I did that,” or “I’m so glad I decided to wait.”

Or, “I’d give anything to take that back.”

Dear Peer Pressure: I really want my boyfriend to come with my family on our trip during school break in February.  My parents refuse to listen to the reasons he should come; I even drafted a contract with them saying I will not let him interfere with our family time.

Can you think of more strategies to convince my parents as to why he should come with us?

—Frustrated

Traveler

SR: Parents are known for making decisions based on multiple factors. I’m not sure as to what exact reason your parents may not want your boyfriend to attend the family trip, but I’m sure they are trying to be fair and want you to be happy.

Many families like the idea of bonding on trips and not having to entertain or act differently due to the presence of another. Even though your friend might be easy-going, he is not part of the family and there might be discomfort when it comes to eating expenses, sleeping arrangements, or simple family customs.

Due to text messaging, you will probably be able to stay in touch during the trip. Even though your wishes may not be granted this time, there may be another occasion that might be more suitable in the future.

Family bonding is one of the greatest treasures in life; it cannot be replaced by money. It is a gift that young people and adults should treasure, for we do not know what tomorrow holds.

I would suggest presenting a list of reasons you wish for your boyfriend to go on the trip with the family. Then, patiently listen to your parents’ responses. Next, put yourself in their shoes and try to keep a positive attitude.

Best of luck!

JPC: Put yourself in your parent’s shoes: You’ve planned a beautiful family vacation; only, your daughter doesn’t seem content with just having family, and is convinced she won’t have a good time without her boyfriend. Seeing things from their perspective might help you find a strategy for convincing them, as well as be more understanding to why they have said no when you’ve asked them in the past.

Your parents may be hurt by the thought that just family doesn’t seem to be good enough for you. Make sure they know that while you think a “just family” vacation would be fun, you’d like your boyfriend to come because you feel that would make the trip even better. Talk to them calmly about why you want him there and ask them their reasons for wanting to exclude him. When you approach the topic as an open discussion, your parents might be willing to give you constructive feedback on the issue.